I’ve been missing my mom a lot lately. While I try to keep going some days I just feel so sad and start to think what’s it all about? It’s so hard to keep going sometimes, when you lose someone you love and care about. Some days I go to pick up the phone and call, but I remember I no longer can. I have a question to ask, a thought to share, or just want to talk, but it’s not something that can happen. And that is one of the hardest feelings. I want to go for a walk with her, or have lunch and go shopping, or just hang out. I just want more time. And when I think about how much time has passed it feels so strange — it feels like it’s gone by both slow and fast at the same time.
A song that I’ve been listening to a lot that really resonates with me in these feelings is Lord Huron’s “In the Wind.” I’m not sure if it was written exactly for what I’m feeling, but it does resonate with me in my grief. It seems to have been written as a lost love, though it also feels like it’s just about losing someone very important to you and wishing you could see them again. All of the lyrics really speak to me, especially these:
Death is a wall but it can’t be the end
You are my protector and my best friend
Well they say that you’re gone and that I should move on
I wonder: how do they know, baby?
How do they know? Well, they don’t
Sometimes I feel like the world expects us to just keep going through grief, to move on and toughen up. That after the “5 stages” you’re basically good to go. But grief needs to be felt, whatever you’re grieving needs to be experienced, rather than pushed away. Grief can come up at the strangest moments for the most random reasons, but that’s ok.
The song starts slow, and sad at first, opening with chime sounds that resemble rain. But towards the end it gets a little more upbeat, a little quicker with an upbeat violin chorus — bring an almost hopeful feeling for life without the person, to remember that you will one day see them again. It’s just a beautiful song, and at the end sounds very similar to their other 2012 track “Ends of the Earth,” which is also wonderful.
I like a lot of Lord Huron‘s newer stuff too, but “In the Wind” has been on repeat for me lately. I love the band’s instrumentation and vocals. Their music is so beautiful to me. It reminds me of nature and being out in the world, experiencing life and heading into the unknown but feeling unafraid to do so.
What song are you listening to right now? Let me know in the comments below!